Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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