Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
