Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
