So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
