why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
