Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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