i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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