Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
