Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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