OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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