Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
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so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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