its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
