everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
