ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
