mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
