if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
