I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
