Already got asked if we're dating
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
