Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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