Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
