My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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