Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
