Ambien. No doubt about it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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