Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
