drinking out of a sandbucket again
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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