i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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