is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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