Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
