If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Oh god it's open bar.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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