Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
now i know why i became what i already was.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
