im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
