Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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