they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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