you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
