So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
