Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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