I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
