she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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