Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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