He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
