Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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