all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
