I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
