After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
