I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I love you. Go after that dick
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
