I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
