If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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