Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
