its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
