she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
