omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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