I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is it penis luge time yet?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I party with great urgency now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
