I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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