Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
