i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
