New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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