i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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