i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
