Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
there is glitter all over my balls
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