i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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