I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
