I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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