So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's shark week go big or go home
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
