Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
