FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
