I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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