Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
