hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
