at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
