Cold hands, warm shart.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
