I wish I only lived at night.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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