Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
