I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
