were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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