Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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