i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
