The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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