i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
