Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
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Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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