My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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