I want to make a zoo with you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
